Computer Privacy
Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. A safer computer may be one in a public library, at a community technology center (CTC) (national directory), a trusted friend’s house, a university computer lab, or an Internet café.



How Others Have Benefitted from the Center for Healthy Relationships:
“This is a safe place for expression of my thoughts and feelings.”
“I finally have a safety net.”
“I feel validated and understood. I am rebuilding my self-esteem.”
“I never realized the magnitude of what I was living with…”
“This has helped me to face reality and my fears.”
“You can’t speak like this anyplace else; I was really in prison with my thoughts.”

Myths vs. Reality

“I didn't want to believe that the person with whom I had fallen in love, married and raised a family could be such a threatening and unpredictable person. Besides, who would believe me? Everyone else thinks he’s a great guy.”

“The verbally abusive man often has an ‘inside’ self and an ‘outside’ self. He shows one self to the world. This is the persona or image that he made up from the outside in.” (Evans, Patricia, 2006)

“I had trouble accepting that this was happening to me, an educated, affluent woman living in a nice home and in a nice community.”

“Abuse can happen to anyone, including highly educated and upper income women.” (Weitzman, Suzanne, 2000)

“I stay because my children are better off with a father who can financially support our lifestyle.”

“Whether the children witness the abuse or merely sense it, they are hurt by it. The effect on them is similar to that of growing up in an alcoholic family… once the children understand what’s going on, and perceive the silence with which their parents handle it, they feel that they must also hide the family secret. The need for secrecy leads to feelings of isolation and shame for the children.” (Weitzman, Suzanne, 2000)

“My partner just needs to learn how to control his anger.”

“The problem is not losing control but rather needing to be ‘in control.’ Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control. To change, abusers must work on their attitude of entitlement.” (Bancroft, Lundy, 2002)

“Sometimes after an argument, I’m left feeling like I’m losing my mind.”

“Your partner may use confusion tactics in an argument, twisting your words and insisting you are thinking or feeling things that you aren’t.” (Bancroft, Lundy, 2002)

“If my partner didn’t love me, he wouldn’t get so upset with me.”

“Using systematic tactics to gain power and control over another is not love. There must be an essential connection between love and respect; love and nurturing; and love and empathy.” (Dolan-Del Vecchio, Ken, 2008)